Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Top 10 Ways to Leave a Library

  1. With books under your arm, properly checked out, your head held high, a confident gait
  2. On a gurney, to an awaiting ambulance
  3. Crawling on your belly underneath the barbed wire, pushing your books ahead of you in the dirt as you go
  4. Nervously thanking and waving to the librarians at the circulation and reference desks as you beat a hasty retreat
  5. Unnoticed through an obscured window way in the back, and into an awaiting getaway car filled with strange people
  6. Handcuffed, gagged, drugged, and escorted by representatives of the CIA, Opus Dei, and ALA
  7. Waving a brand new flag of an alien culture diametrically opposed to your own
  8. Wearing an unbreakable mask designed and personally fitted for you by your favorite author
  9. Shouting obscenities as you bump into the automatic doors that refuse to open for you
  10. With your thralls holding you aloft in a modernist sedan chair, created entirely of pages torn from unpublished books authored by yourself

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