I could have made a list of 10 instead of just 5 without breaking a sweat, but that leaves plenty for a sequel down the road.
1. People Who Bring In Their Non-service Dogs
- Always arriving with a phony, toothy smile
- Often pretending it's a service dog when it clearly isn't
- Always pretending others actually want their barking, crapping dog in the cafe
2. Mothers with Screaming Babies
- Sit at communal tables right next to obviously annoyed readers and silent laptop users
- Pretend they have a right to destroy the local atmosphere
- "Inconsiderate" isn't a word in their vocabulary
- Others should be honored they brought their genius baby with them
- Squatter bums can annihilate a cafe's pleasant atmosphere and turn it from a go-to spot to a stay-away-from cafe
- Customers of quality (read: girls) stay away from hobo-infested cafes
- Smelly, drug addicts, mentally ill, and criminal records. Did I leave out anything?
- They want you to move from your table so they can have it and the wall socket nearby
- They arrive with a dead battery in their laptop (not to mention the dead attitude)
- The important reasons they're here and needing priority: online games, chat and all other frivolous activities
- Loud music and talk from the speaker of their laptop because they didn't bring headphones or earphones
- They brought headphones but just don't feel like using them
- Not inconveniencing anyone with my loud noise, right? You want to hear what I've got on my laptop, right??
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