Friday, February 28, 2014

5 Creepy Kinds of Starbucks People

I see it all in the Washington DC area. At least no shootings yet, but that's more a McDonalds thing.

I could have made a list of 10 instead of just 5 without breaking a sweat, but that leaves plenty for a sequel down the road.

1. People Who Bring In Their Non-service Dogs

  • Always arriving with a phony, toothy smile
  • Often pretending it's a service dog when it clearly isn't
  • Always pretending others actually want their barking, crapping dog in the cafe

2. Mothers with Screaming Babies

  • Sit at communal tables right next to obviously annoyed readers and silent laptop users
  • Pretend they have a right to destroy the local atmosphere
  • "Inconsiderate" isn't a word in their vocabulary
  • Others should be honored they brought their genius baby with them
3. Bums of All Stripes
  • Squatter bums can annihilate a cafe's pleasant atmosphere and turn it from a go-to spot to a stay-away-from cafe
  • Customers of quality (read: girls) stay away from hobo-infested cafes
  • Smelly, drug addicts, mentally ill, and criminal records. Did I leave out anything?
4. Laptop Users Wanting the Plug at Your Table
  • They want you to move from your table so they can have it and the wall socket nearby
  • They arrive with a dead battery in their laptop (not to mention the dead attitude)
  • The important reasons they're here and needing priority: online games, chat and all other frivolous activities
5. Headphonophobes
  • Loud music and talk from the speaker of their laptop because they didn't bring headphones or earphones
  • They brought headphones but just don't feel like using them
  • Not inconveniencing anyone with my loud noise, right? You want to hear what I've got on my laptop, right??

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